originally written February 27, 2014
One morning when I was eight months pregnant, my boyfriend, the father to be and I had an argument. I don't recall what it was about. I am sure I was a lot to handle with my hormones in full gear all over the place, and I handled my life very much different at that time, many unhealthy habits, behaviors, and just not happy, such as it was.
I have to go back a bit before this day. When my boyfriend and I moved in, on move in day after the movers left, I declared that I wanted to organize the kitchen, I had deemed myself kitchen organizer. (at this time I would have been about four months pregnant) Well my boyfriend replied, " I didn't agree that you could organize the kitchen!" He said "Maybe I want the pots and pans under the kitchen sink, maybe I want to have the glasses on the bottom shelf." his response took me by surprise. Most guys would think "Great she wants to unload the boxes...I'll have a beer!" I said "Well most people wouldn't put the pots and pans under the kitchen sink, and they would have glasses in a cupboard near the fridge." He said "Well maybe that's where I want them." I was very upset, however I dismissed his behavior. So I decided I will unpack my things and he can unpack his own things. I had owned and brought the majority of the household belongings.
My boyfriend had packed his clothes in big black garbage bags, there were two or three of them. Now a few weeks had gone by and he hadn't unpacked these garbage bags or hung any of his clothes, so me being a very organized person, and I was getting the "nest" ready for our baby, I was sick of seeing the garbage bags and clothes lying on the floor. He was using the garbage bags as his closest, he did not want to unpack them. So I made him a deal I said " If you hang up all your clothes, in the closet, I will do your laundry and wash all your clothes." They still sat there for a few more weeks, and I kept anteing up I said "I will do your laundry for the rest of your life, all you have to do is hang them up once initially." It was after all his share of the unpacking. He wasn't budging.
So now back to the one morning we had an argument.
Again I cannot recall what we argued about, but I was upset and I was in the bedroom crying, and I had fallen asleep. (I am eight months pregnant now) While I was sleeping, he was packing up what little belongings he had brought with him, and was loading up his jeep. I must have woken up from the ruckus or a noise and when I walked out of the bedroom I could see his stuff was missing, like stuff that shouldn't have been gone, and I went to the balcony (we were second floor up) and I saw him scurrying around his jeep, throwing stuff in it as fast as possible. I yelled to him "What are you doing?" He didn't say anything, but I knew what he was doing. So I went into the bedroom and grabbed the two big giant black garbage bags filled with his clothes and I came back to the balcony and yelled "Don't forget your clothes!" and I dumped them out of the bags, over the balcony, and his clothes flew all over the side-walk and street, I watched him gather them up and throw them in his jeep before he finally drove off.
And that was it. He never talked to me about it. I didn't think he would actually leave. I want to say I did not see it coming, but I think I did.
I thought my story of how he left me was unique, and it would definitely be one of the 50 ways to leave your lover.
He just slipped out the back, Jack
He made a new plan, Stan
He didn't need to be coy, Roy
He was just setting me free
He hopped on the bus, Gus
We didn't need to discuss much
He just dropped off the key, Lee
And just let me free.
"When the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then peace will guide the planets, and love will steer the stars", I could just sing this song, right now as I am typing, love this song Age of Aquarius by the 5th Dimension.
I just launched my online Psychic business,
We had decided to sell our family business of eighteen years, a retail liquor store, and I was undecided what the heck I was going to do. I had a few ideas in my mind, but nothing quite determined. I was feeling at a complete crossroads in my life, lost, no direction and just uncertain of a lot. Monies was tight one weekend, and I decided to take my daughter to our town's flea market, the very same flea market, I explored when I was young. It was cheap entertainment, from food to finding treasures or what ever else, you could probably find it at the flea market. I hadn't been there in years, like a almost a decade. On this day my mind was occupied and determined to figure out what it was I was going to do for my next career choice, I only had so much money that I could invest into something, but where. I was walking around the flea market, thinking this place would be a great place to sell items, if I wanted to have another retail store, which was my idea, I had already scoped other retail spots, and wasn't feeling it. So on a whim I thought I would enquire at the market about renting space there to sell items. As it turned out, they were just beginning a renovation project, to become more of a farmers market, and were looking for new vendors, to create a fresh look for their market. It could not have been more divinely orchestrated than that, I mean, this was just perfect, and the location was more than ideal, it was a fun, family atmosphere and close to home, this was it. What is funny about this story, is that when I was literally at a crossroads in my life, I discovered my new beginning at a place called, The Crossroads Market, literally located on a famous crossroads section in our town, hence the name, I found direction in my life at the Crossroads, isn't that funny? I was there for three years, I truly had a lot of fun when I was there. It was one of my most favourite life experiences. I even found the album Crossroads, by Eric Clapton, love that song Crossroads, in their flea market, and hung it in a album photo frame on my wall, I still have it.
The picture was taken at a place called Livingston Falls, Alberta. We had just poured the ashes, which you can see faintly flowing down the river, of a dear friend and lover to me, who was murdered at the age of 21, I was 19 at the time. He was shot and killed at some random encounter leaving to go home late one night. He was at the wrong place at the wrong time. He had just shook the hands of the individual, after a minor scuffle while leaving a convenient store, who moments later pulled out a sawed off rifle from behind the seat of his car, and shot him. That night so many lives changed forever. He is, and will be forever in my heart. All I can remember is how much he adored and loved me. After he passed I came across a video he was in, he was singing along and playing guitar with the song, "Winds Of Change" by the Scorpions. The loss of this relationship, impacted myself in many ways from, under valuing the relationship we had, suffering from grief and loss, to creating new relationships with his family, and creating different relationships with his friends, closer, stronger and spending more time together, creating new memories and talking about old times spent together. His friends and family are not in my life as frequent as they once were, even just years ago, however I still love each of his
friends dearly, and his family. I had never met his biological father, who lived in another province, until after he passed. On the day of his funeral, a man came up to me, and introduced himself and said “ You must be Randalynn, my son talked about you all the time, I knew it was you, from the way my son described you.” He mentioned other things his son said, and I became very aware of how much I truly meant to him, and what he meant to me. He was always there for me, he cared for me, he was always looking out for my best interest, and was open to all my ideas (bad or good). We had so much fun together. We were like two peas in a pod, like two birds on a wire, “just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year”.
I smoked cigarettes for 23 years. I quit cold turkey. I have been smoke free for nine years, however I did have a lapse, and I smoked for about six months, that happened just over the last couple of years. I started smoking again to "cope". Not my best decision, ashamed to even say I did, but I did. I quit cold turkey again, this time was easier, because I actually felt like I was dying, my chest was soar, I was coughing, it was just nasty. But I did it, I quit and that's what counts.
I was 205 pounds in this photo, and that was also the highest I had ever weighed in my life. I was never over weight, I was always slender, that is just my natural body type. I was on prescribed medications which I had started four months after my daughter was born, and they really screwed with my metabolism, my libido, and my emotions, I had become a robot, I had no emotions, I was like Eeyore, you know from Winnie the Pooh. I was getting bigger and bigger at a rapid pace, one I got to about 165 pounds, which I normally weight about 105-110 pounds, that was significant on me, I didn't care anymore. I was like "oh well, this is how I am gonna be.", and I was over eating just because I didn't care. I kept getting bigger and bigger, and finally when I tipped over the 200 pound mark, weighing in a 205, I said "this is enough", it was three years of over eating, and now I couldn't make the changes fast enough, I came off the meds, which by the way, turned out I NEVER had to be on them, and I knew I was going to have to make dramatic changes in my eating habits and exercise, like start exercising. I was beyond determined to loose the weight and get back to myself, the way I looked before I started taking those meds, which took just under three years to achieve. I lost over 100 pounds, I got down to about 102, but my ideal weight for myself, for my body type, and how I was before, is 110 pounds. which is what I am now. I manage my weight consistently, to keep my weight around my desired weight. I will share much more in depth details of how I lost the weight and what I learned in an up and coming workshop video. One more side story, because I became a robot, my daughter who was now 3 and a half at the time I decided to come off the meds, had never really seen me express any emotions before, and I started morphing back to my old self, and one day, for what ever reason, I started to cry, and my daughter says "Mom! There is something wrong with you, your eyes are leaking!" and that was the first time she ever saw me cry.
secrets of my soul